Trigger Warning. This blog talks in gentle terms about death. I am not explicit about anything, but you should read through any of these children’s books about grief before you read them with your child in case you or they will be triggered by the content.
We all know that death is part of life, but think back to when you were a child. Remember when you had no concept of death yet… You thought people (and pets) lived forever, and it may have been quite a shock to learn that’s simply not the case. Has your child had to go through the death of a loved one yet? It can be hard to find the words to teach a child about death and grieving, especially when you may be trying to process your own feelings at the same time. Books can help, and here are a few of my favorite children’s books about grief.
LOSING A PET
Remembering Blue Fish by Becky Friedman
Daniel Tiger finds that his blue fish isn’t moving, and Dad Tiger tells him that blue fish is dead. Daniel learns that asking questions can help, and his parents answer him kindly but honestly. Mom Tiger tells Daniel to draw a picture of what is making him sad, and Daniel draws blue fish, and later hangs it up where the other fish can see. He puts a blue rock in the aquarium to remember blue fish.
I first came across this not as a book, but as the episode of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood that it follows. My daughter was three years old when the episode first aired, and I remember watching it with her a few times and talking about it. We didn’t have anyone who had recently passed away or that was deathly ill, but I wanted her to know about death. Having a pet fish who dies in the book is a good way to ease a child into the idea of death – as opposed to a person, or a pet like a dog who has more personality than a fish. I also thought it was important to talk to her about death when I wasn’t grieving myself, when I would be able to speak to her more calmly and objectively.
For another look at the death of a pet (a service dog), try My Life with Losing a Pet by Mari Schuh.
LOSING A GRANDPARENT
Something Very Sad Happened: A Toddler’s Guide to Understanding Death by Bonnie Zucker
A grandmother dies, and a mother explains it to her child. For example,”When someone dies, their body stops working. Grandma’s body stopped working.” A few pages later, “When someone dies, you cannot see them anymore. We cannot see Grandma anymore. That’s why we miss her.” There are several pages in the back with more guidance for parents and other caregivers for how to handle loss with a child.
While the book mentions a grandma dying, and that Mommy might be sad, these key words are in red to make it easier to switch out based on your own situation. Substitute the name or relationship of the person who passed away in your child’s life to help explain it. This is an excellent book written by a licensed psychologist, and the words and images are timeless, with no modern technology to age the book.
LOSING A SIBLING
Because I Already Loved You by Andrée-Anne Cyr
Stillbirth is rare, and hard to explain to a young child. It’s a big adjustment to go from preparing for a younger sibling to come home, to grieving a family member you never got to meet. That’s exactly what happens in this book. The child is excited for the new baby, but when Mommy and Daddy come home from the hospital alone and sad, the child is confused. They slowly learn that the baby died, and what that means. The child narrates the story, speaking to and about the baby – “I’m sad, too. Because I already loved you!” This is clearly aimed at young children who have experienced this and don’t understand it.
For a more general exploration of sibling death, try My Life with Losing a Sibling by Mari Schuh.
WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BODY
What Happened to Daddy’s Body? by Elke and Alex Barber
Okay, I lied. This is not a favorite. It’s actually kind of weird, but I am including it because it rounds out my selections. This is a different kind of book because it talks about what happens to a body after death. The boy in the book learns about both burial and cremation. This book says it is aimed at children three years old and up. I have to admit, this one hasn’t been checked out much at my library because it’s a niche interest in a niche part of the collection. I don’t know that I would want to tell my children details about what happens when a body is cremated. But if you have a child who wants to know what happens, and if you have read this book first and you are sure you and your child are ready to discuss it, then this might be the book for you.
Read this one to yourself first so you know what happens, and so you know if you want to skip any pages or cover any images. I promised not to be explicit, so I will leave it at that. (Or feel free to skip this whole book, because like I said – it’s kind of weird.)
Check out Miss Michelle’s Book Nook
Miss Michelle shares her book recommendations each month on the In Our Homeschool blog. Find links to all of her posts here.
Miss Michelle is the sister of Kristen, who writes this blog. She has a daughter who is 9 and a son who is 4. They are not home-schooled, but Miss Michelle is super supportive and proud of her sister for doing it. She has been a full-time Children’s Librarian for over 15 years and loves to recommend her favorite books. You can follow her on Goodreads, where she keeps track of books she has read for storytime, at https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/170007385-miss-michelle.
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